I've been pondering on this matter for so long and since I've nobody I'm comfortable with to share this opinion with I'll share it here.

Do we really love our family or is it because its an obligation to love them. Would you sacrifice your life for them based on your true love and cherishment or because they're your family, it's an obligation I have to take. Lets be honest here, I doubt everybody does things for their family based on sincerity, you do it for the sake of doing it. Honestly, if my family is in any trouble I'll help them out due to obligations.

This is another reason why I feel so detached from others. From my view, the people I know are really close to their family, like they have fun family moments together. And I'm here, with my sort of family and we don't do much together. We don't even eat together on a dining table and I am really detached from my family, always cooped up in my room. I feel no emotional attachment towards them as much as how others show it. Now I'm just pondering on how, what and why do I feel like this. I'm going to sound like an ass for saying this but I feel like I am obligated to love them, but not sincerely. Like when one of your sibling is sick, you'll worry over them, if my sister is sick I don't feel a damn thing. Maybe death would strike a chord. Basically everything I do for my family is due to obligations.

I bet many people will think I'm ungrateful and a prick but just take a second and think about it. Well, if you really do love your family sincerely, that's good for you, seriously. I think it's just me. It's weird that I would feel so much emotion over songs or movies but never in real life. Like if somebody is sick, oh he's sick. You want me to sympathize over that as if that will cure him? Like what do you do in this kind of situations?

So, obligated or not I'll just have my family's back and spend the time with them because I know I will regret it once they're gone. I am definitely sure of it. Well if I don't, I say,  I am one hell of a prick. I really hope I dont end up like that. So in the mean time I'll just live the moments.

Salutations mortals, I have returned to this mundane blog after having a nice cup of tea with LIFE. 

Eh so yeah, I'm in college now and man, everybody is so fancy pansy here, even the guys here are so well dressed, fucking metrosexuals, but hey, guys still need to look beautimous. 

College life sucks, the freedom part is no different when I was still living under my dad's roof. I'm basically struggling to keep myself from starving because I lost my wallet and whoever that bastard who found it took off with my cash in the bank as well. Damn motherfucker, I won't feel sorry if bad things happened to you. (Work your charm karma!) I had to go through all these trouble to get my identification card, ATM card and license done. But dealing with my atm card/bank account was the WORST. Talking about it just makes me mad. I'm such a baka for losing my wallet. Sobs. That's by far the biggest screwed up piece of shit that I NEVER EVER want to go through again. Story of my life throughout September but I finally settled my ATM card problem just recently. Took like one whole fucking month, Jesus Christ. 

Yeah, just when I thought shit was settled, God, before I proceed, I just want to say my fucking my awesum college, so prestigious, so sugoi, so magnificently RETARDED, fucked shit up. I was offered a scholarship by them, but because the offer wasn't that "sugoi", my dad told me not to accept it. Alright, cool. So I ignored their acceptance letter because they clearly stated, 

If you agree to the above terms and conditions and wish to accept this scholarship offer, please acknowledge your acceptance by replying to this email.

please acknowledge your acceptance by replying to this email.

please acknowledge your acceptance by replying to this email.

by replying to this email.

So I fucking didn't reply them, thus meaning, I did not acknowledge it. But thanks to their glorious fuckery, they assumed I accepted it. EVEN WITHOUT REPLYING THEM. And I had no fucking clue about this until one fine Friday, they decided to call me to confirm the agreement. I could have declined the offer but they've already settled the payments, like they've deducted the amount from my fees already and if I pull back the offer, I have to pay the full amount. And at the same time, my dad was as clueless about this matter as I was and that's when shit got real. My dad was pissed as fuck, even I was pissed as fuck. We got into an argument, like that's something new lol. Argue argue argue, made a decision and so I decided to accept it. Great job at being so efficient, go suck a dick fucking college.

That whole situation was very nerve wracking but what stopped my world from spinning was the fact that I could not further my education abroad. Thinking about it, typing it right now just makes me feel miserable. My heart literally sank. It's sinking right now. Yeah....

So anyway, the one thing I really miss the most from home is Benji. My snookums. My honey boo boo. My everything. Why are you not here, living with me? </3 

Oh and I have a new OTP. Michael and Gavin from Roosterteeth. ^_^ The bromance seeping and oozing out from them, I just can't even. And Jesus Christ, they keep playing along, providing some fanservice for their adoring fans. KYAA~ Okay, I'll stop here. 

So that's all there is to know at the moment. I'll probably not update for maybe, another few months or so? Not like anybody reads my blog post anymore. 

T00dles~